Your body is composed of different cells that run through various cycles that differ in time and length. The main purpose of a cell cycle is growth. Yes, the cell may undergo division, duplication and some that don’t function well undergo apoptosis, which simply put means cell death.
I’d like to think of the cell cycle as spring cleaning. Growing up in an African home I knew that once or twice a month, my Momma would put on loud soulful music and we’d spring clean. Not one room was left untouched. The routine of spring cleaning has stuck with me throughout my life. One tragedy though is I never learned to clean the inside as vigorously as I learned to clean the outside.
A successful person is not one that oozes with ideas. Rather one that implements them. I had been successfully taught and trained to spring clean but most times you’d find me constipated with negativity choked up by bad thoughts and imprisoned by fear. Clean on the outside but leaking on the inside. Crazy enough I had the cure, I had the laxative, I simply could not execute it. Looking at my story, it’s so easy to blame it on the structuring of our social worlds. We are given a pat on the back if our eyebrows are on point, I mean even eyebrows have a socially acceptable standard. The sad reality is mental health doesn’t.
Well, Mental health starts with you knowing yourself. Knowing who you are above the surface. Beyond the compliments. We need to create a healthy self-concept for ourselves. A healthy standard of self-appreciation. Which can start only with you. Spring clean your thoughts, build up fences that allow negativity as far. Create your own personal space and boundaries. Own your throne as they say, in the literal sense, and let others fit into your self-demarcations as you fit into theirs.
Times are certainly changing, your growth game better not catch you off guard. If there is one thing you should do, do self-love for you.
“A picture is worth ten thousand words,” said Fred R Barnard once upon a time. He was wise to leave it at that but left us with a catastrophic dilemma to decide what kind of words this “picture” painted.
In the fast world, we live, our lives are displayed on virtual platforms and the affirmation we crave is often satisfied through meaningless likes and socially acceptable invitations and requests to our virtual worlds. In the real world, however, we struggle for acceptance and find ourselves recarving our outer self to try to match the illusion of the ‘perfect’ person we’ve displayed in our virtual reality.
An unequally yoked comparison to other people’s lives has extinguished and stolen the joy of small victories which are huge because they mark the shedding of the old self into a new self. We’ve lost the essence of carving our inner selves, creating healthy habits that help us focus and reestablish. I’m not talking about hitting a hundred thousand likes but realistic goals that leave you exhilarated and make you forget about the constant nagging of comparison that knocks at your heart daily.
But, what benefit would it be to have beauty that is only skin deep? The mirror won’t fix what’s bleeding on the inside. The reality of the brokenness on the inside cannot mask itself for long. It’s like washing a pot on the outside and closing the lid. Secretly hoping that the inside will follow suit and cleanse itself.
I speak of unequally yoked comparison because while you admire ‘their’ relationship, she goes to bed on a damp pillow thinking of how she can free herself from the prison of virtual reality that says she’s happy when in essence depression tiptoes and sleeps right by her door.
Fix the inside, it’s speaking to you, open your own heart’s ears and hear how.
So I think in words, and sometimes tend to think in numbers but you see, I have to give you a clear reflection of how I feel. How best but to do it in words. Most of the things I write are raw and real, its all painted into a picture but it comprises of real feelings, different names and yes the right words.
For the longest time, thoughts about you haunted me. I wondered how you were doing, how you were coping and really how you made it through everyday. My wonder for you grew like a tumor but I quickly had to extinguish it before it grew into insecurity.
I am honestly happy for you and I deeply want to express my gratitude to you. You paved his heart for me. I can proudly say that he is the best thing that’s happened to me in a while. While you may despise him, he nurtures me. I am the reddest rose in the garden of his heart. I’m watered daily with love and the sun of his heart has made me queen . I may have been a single rose then, but I’ve bloomed into a bountiful garden. My roots are strong and I am confident in my self. I no longer bask in the shade of your past pains. The thorns of the past, well your past that used to agonize me are no more. I stand tall and for that.
To you, I’m sorry …
I’ll start off with a well known excuse, I really didn’t know.
As I looked up from kicking the sand, there he was, he’d come to sign us in. I really wasn’t in the mood, but as I saw him approaching, my heart betrayed me and started beating violently in my chest. It was like it was being held captive in the cave of my heart of hearts.
We got in and I managed to casually say hi. Although he didn’t pay much attention to me, I had concluded that I liked him.
I was with Violetta, she led the way , I mean she’s the one who’d dragged me there in the first place.
We got in the room, she placed the gift bag on the bed and I sat on the chair.
He walked into the room, hitting us up with regular check ups. Only this time he walked away with something of mine, no no don’t think too far, it wasn’t my heart. It was my fizzer.
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